Timeless Parenting Wisdom From Four Generations
If I’ve learned one thing from being a mom for over 20 years, it’s that I’m still learning.
I’ve also come to deeply appreciate how amazing and wise the women in my life have been—my mother, my grandmother, and even my great-grandmother. I can actually remember my great-grandmother—How amazing is that? She passed away when I was eight years old, just one month shy of turning 100. She was one of the hardest-working people I’ve ever known.
That’s me holding my great grandma’s hand
I love the story of her telling my Grandpa, “Paul, I don’t want flowers on my grave when I die. I want some manure for my flower bed now, so I can enjoy it.” She understood what would matter and what she would appreciate while she was living. She knew that the effort of planting and tending a flower bed was far more meaningful than a bouquet later when she was no longer alive to enjoy it. Her yard was always pristine! I wish I could say I inherited that from her. I live on a gravel hill with desert landscaping—but I do value hard work, and I love things that last.
As I reflect on my heritage, I realize so much of my parenting has been shaped by the wisdom of these incredible women—and others like them. I thought I’d share some of those treasures with you.
Starting With My Mom
“People Are More Important Than Things”
Our home was always open and welcoming to everyone, and naturally, things got broken. I remember more than one occasion when something my mom loved was accidentally broken. Though I could see she was disappointed, whenever I asked if she was upset, she’d say, “Bonnie, people are more important than things.” That truth became a part of me. Things are replaceable—people are not.
“Pick Your Battles”
Parenting can be exhausting—but it’s also deeply rewarding. It’s easy to get caught up fighting over things that don’t really matter. As a young mom, I was too concerned with how others perceived me and my children. I thought their behavior was a reflection of my parenting. I was young and naïve—kids are just being kids!
Sometimes I wish I could go back and give myself (and my kids) a break, but I can’t. Maybe you can learn from my mistakes. Pick your battles.
When I put my foot down, my kids know I mean it. I’m not mean, but I’m serious. And I don’t pick as many battles as I used to. That’s why my kids sometimes hike without shoes or wear shorts in the winter (not such a big deal in Southern Nevada). They don’t need a drill sergeant for a parent—but they do need a parent.
Does it matter if their outfit doesn’t match? (It used to.) Or if their hair is a little wild? What really matters is that my kids know what is most important to me. They matter. Their dad matters. And my Savior matters. The rest? We deal with it as it comes. But I think you get where I’m coming from.
Grandma’s Perspective: “The Days Are Long, but the Years Are Short”
And wow, was she right. It feels like just yesterday I had three baby boys… and now they’re all grown. How did that happen?
My grandma endured a lot. She grew up in a broken home. She lost three of her seven children to illness. She survived a brain tumor. That’s just a brief glimpse into the heartache she lived through. Yet she faced life with determination and faith.
She had a way of making me feel like I was a better person than I really was—and it was so motivating. It made me want to become the version of me that she saw. Looking back, I think she truly did see the real me—she just chose to focus on the good. What a powerful life lesson.
We already know our flaws—we don’t need help with that. But to have someone believe in us, to see our potential and remind us we’re capable of more and better—that kind of belief is life-changing.
Because let’s be real—the days are long, but the years are short. And we all need someone who believes in us.
Lessons From Twenty Years of Motherhood
If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s this: we teach far more by what we do than by what we say. Our children are always watching, always learning—not just from our words, but from our example.
- If you want to teach a child to work, work with them.
- If you want a child to talk, talk with them—and then be quiet. Give them space to open up, in their own time, in their own way.
- If you want your kids to be confident, show them that you believe in them.
Showing Up Despite Health Challenges
I’ve had to get creative with how I show up. I’ve spent far too many hours in bed due to migraines and seizures. And yet, my sweet kids often take turns to come sit with me. I treasure those moments. When I’m up for it, my family always plans ways for me to be included. They plan vacations that include me or some shorter hikes to go along with the long ones (which I wait out in the car) so I can still participate. They’ve been so protective of me, and they care that I try to be there with them.
Our efforts matter to our children. They watch us. They want our time.
A wise man once said, “Love is spelled T-I-M-E” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf). And I’ve found that true—especially as we travel and have less cell-phone service. My kids (teenagers included!) have found time to just sit and talk with me—about anything and everything. And I listen, because I want a relationship that can hold up during the hard times too.
Also, my kids? They’re hilarious. They’re fun. They’re remarkable human beings. I know I’m biased, but seriously—how did I end up with seven such unique and incredible souls? It amazes me daily.
Lead With Love and Honor Agency
And here’s something else I’ve learned: it’s okay not to have all the answers. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out together.” That kind of honesty creates connection. It teaches our kids that they don’t have to be perfect—and neither do we.
Two years ago, I faced one of my most difficult parenting moments.
I didn’t know what to do. I felt lost, unsure, and desperate. So I turned to my Father in Heaven. I prayed—again and again.
Eventually, I received an answer. It was unexpected, but clear and sweet. God spoke to my soul: “You’ve taught your child what you were meant to teach them. Now, love them.”
That message changed everything.
We have a tendency to want to push. But that’s not God’s way. It goes against one of His greatest gifts: agency.
If you’ve ever studied Newton’s laws of motion, you know: when you push, there’s pushback. Parenting is the same. I’m the same! Encourage me all you want—but if you tell me what to do? I push back. Our kids are no different.
When we try to force our children to make good choices, they aren’t really choosing—we are. But when we step back and lead with love, they surprise us. They rise. They grow. They become. And they are remarkable.
Life is still hard. They’ll face pain, failure, and mistakes. But they’ll also grow in wisdom, strength, and grace—if we let them.
So, teach them. Love them. Trust them. And then love them some more.
You just might be amazed at who they become.
God’s Constant Love
More than anything, the past two decades have deepened my understanding of God’s love—for me, and for my children.
I’ve felt it in quiet prayers when I didn’t know what else to do. I’ve seen it in small, everyday miracles—in laughter, comfort, and the strength to keep going even when I feel like I’m failing.
God’s love is constant. It doesn’t waver when we mess up. It reminds me I don’t have to be a perfect parent—I just have to be a present one. A loving one. One who keeps showing up and pointing my children to the One who loves them even more than I do.
That love has carried me through every high and low of motherhood. It’s shaped the way I parent, the way I see my children, and the way I see myself.
And more than anything, I hope my kids feel that love in me. I hope they carry it with them, and I hope they come to know it for themselves.
Looking Up and Looking Out
